While all societies value politeness, certain behavior that is tolerated in some places may be considered rude in others. Who speaks first in a conversation? When do we give a gift or open one that we receive? Where should we sit at a dinner party? How close should we stand to the person we are talking to? Such social rules can vary quite a lot. And it is probably true to say that most Asian cultures pay more attention to social and age differences than English-speaking societies.
The different ways in which Asian societies demonstrate politeness tend to influence the way they use English. Most Thais feel it is rude to speak loudly in public, for example, and so they speak quietly in English as well as Thai. Japanese say sumimasen a lot, even when they don't feel they have done anything wrong, so not surprisingly they also say sorry very often when speaking English. One information video at Narita airport even warned travellers not to say sorry if they had a car accident in the USA in case American lawyers exploited this as an admission of their guilt.
All languages have a wide range of ways to say the same things more politely or less politely, but in many Asian languages the choice can be complex. Korean and Japanese have different sets of verbs and even nouns to indicate the relationship among speakers. At my university, for example, professors were recently advised to use polite forms when writing material to be read by students, so I had to change all the verbs in a document I had written. In Malay, the choice of pronoun depends on the relative positions of speakers. When people are not sure, they often use English pronouns such as “I” and “you”. In Javanese, the different levels of politeness are so distinct they are really separate languages.
Even greetings can be complex. Before getting to the point of a conversation, Arabs often spend a long time expressing wishes and exchanging enquiries, and since it is not easy to find cultural equivalents for Guwwa (May God give you strength) or Eshloonik (What is your colour?), such phrases are often left in Arabic when people speak English. Many Pakistani friends greet me with As-Salamu alaikum (Peace be with you) and expect me to reply Wa-alaikum salam (And also on you), but I have some Indonesian friends who think it inappropriate for non-Muslims to use such phrases.
More casual greetings around Asia include 'Have you eaten?' (the polite answer is always Yes!) and 'Where are you going?' (you don't need to reply accurately). Most languages have a set phrase for when people start to eat or go on a journey. However, there are certain experiences that some cultures acknowledge and others ignore. Japanese has a phrase used after sharing a journey or tiring experience (otsukaresama) which really has no English equivalent. Indonesians wish you Selamat mandi(Have a good bath). On the other hand, few Asian cultures acknowledge a sneeze, so ‘Bless you!’ is not often heard among Asia’s English speakers.
In one of her novels, writer Amy Tan jokes that Chinese visitors to an American home could starve. When offered food, they refuse out of politeness, expecting the offer to be repeated until eventually they accept. But their American hosts may assume they are not hungry and never ask again.
Asian students are often taught that English is a straightforward language in which people say exactly what they think. So they may be surprised to learn that most Americans are actually very polite. It may be true that many English-speaking cultures are less formal than Asian ones, but it would be wrong to suggest that English speakers are always direct. In fact it seems to me that although most Asians tend to be rather formal with strangers, with their friends they are more direct than Americans or Britons.
Conversely, visitors to Asia who expect everyone to behave politely may be surprised to get blocked by Singaporeans pushing on to the train before they can get out; or to be asked how much money they earn by Koreans!
Polite varies depending on the country I think.I feel that when I was a high school student I went the Australia for the homestey.
ReplyDeleteMy host family`s mother said to me that You may open the refrigerator when you feel hungry but I could not open the refrigerator.
Because I thoght it is impolite to open the refrigerator of others' houses. The diffrence polite thing give new discovery.It becomes recognizing the politeof the home country again.
This problem is very difficult. When I went to America, I lost my wallet from table. Then my french friend picked up my wallet. I said "oh..sorry." He said " Why did you apologize?" I was surprised. I said out of habit. The culture is very difficult. Problem of words, rights, cultures,.......etc...
ReplyDeleteI think I should study many Asia countries.
Hi Joe. I think the problem was your choice of words. If someone receives help it is natural for them to say something kind to the person who helped them, but whereas in Japanese people often say 'sumimasen', which is similar to the English words 'sorry' or 'excuse me', in English-speaking countries people would tend to say 'thank you'. Sorry is used mostly for when you make a mistake. Or when you are asking if you can inconvenience someone. But maybe you thought had made a istake by dropping your wallet?
ReplyDeleteJapanese people always say suimasen s lot. It might come from their kindness. And we sometime distinguish it by the intonation. that is really strange. I have never heard the other countries saying that in same situation. Moreover One more thing i want to say is Asian people are very polite. Especially we have "sonkeigo". That is used to older people. I always feel "the politeness of Japanese people" when I hear that. In English speaking countries, that is never used it. So it might be rude for other people.
ReplyDeleteYou make several interesting points, Takumi.
ReplyDeleteFirst, that Japanese are always saying 'sumimasen'. In my experience this is quite true. I have a Japanese friend who says a lot 'sorry' when she speaks English too. Her English-speaking friends make fun of her about this - but only in a very gentle way!
Second, that the meaning of 'sumimasen' is distinguished by intonation. Actually I don't think there is anything unusual or 'Japanese' about this. Most languages can change the meaning of words quite markedly by intonation. 'Sorry', for example, can be an apology when spoken with falling intonation, and a request for some to repeat or explain what they said when used with rising intonation.
Third, as far as Asian people being polite is concerned, for me it is more a case of many Asian cultures, especially those influenced by Confucianism, distinguishing between people they know well and those they know less well. With friends or family I actually think many Asians are less polite and formal than Europeans.
Finally, about the language used with older people, again I tend to agree that non-Asians do not make as great a distinction according to age. However, it is difficult to generalise. In many Mediterranean communities such as Greece and Southern Italy, the aged are treated with great respect and even if there are not so many specific 'sonkeigo' forms of grammar, certain ways of speaking are used.
One thing we should not forget is that it is not always good to be too polite since in some circumstances this can seem cold and unfriendly. When I was in Kenya, for example, people thought it was strange if I said Asante (thank you) too often. It is expected that friends will do favours for each other, so to thank them too much is somehow to devalue their friendship. I guess we just have to judge each situation as it happens.
In general speaking ,American think Japanese say sorry very often.Almost Japanese know to be though such a things.
ReplyDeleteThe contrary Japanese think that American do not apologize when they have done anything wrong.
Ofcourse I think it is wrong.
Japanese have polite cultures.But we usually use it for acquaintances.Example,on the train ,Japanese forget politeness.They push others when they get off it.
I am sure there is quite a strong perception in America that Japanese apologise a lot and in Japan that Americans do not apologise enough. I wonder how the reality is. I notice that Japanese tend to apologise when they want to ask a question or when they receive a present, unlike Americans. On the other hand Americans are more likely than Japanese to apologise if they bump into someone on a train or on the street.
ReplyDeleteAs well as influencing people's ideas about politeness, attitudes to apologising can have more serious consequences. Some Japanese are told not to say sorry if they have a car accident in the US because this may be taken as an admission that it was their fault. In Japan, some foreigners have refused to say sorry at the end of a criminal trial because they believe they have been wrongly convicted and have done nothing to apologise for, but this lack of remorse might affect the severity of the punishment they get.